I'm ovulating. The sticks don't lie. I've used so many home pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits that I'm developing weird muscles in my legs and arms from assuming the position trying to catch FMU (first morning urine.) The muscles used in that morning feat of physical fitness are rather odd, not often used. Funny how I'm totally squishy and out of shape from all the hormones yet I can hold a squat better than a five year-old frying a bug on the sidewalk with a magnifier.
I'm not sure how I feel about ovulating. In a way, I'm always hopeful that this is the month I'll get pregnant. But when I allow myself to think about the years of cycles exactly like this one that ended up with nothing, I feel daunted. I still wake up in the morning feeling normal, looking forward to the day, then I remember- I can't have children. Life washes over me like a tidal wave and I suddenly lose the energy to get out of bed. It is still unbelievable to me that I can't have children. I wonder if the shock will ever wear off.
Summer Update:
Rode my bike to the grocery store and Blockbuster today. Yesterday, I changed the tires on my lovely Schwinn and she rode like a dream. I tried to stay out of the way of the serious cyclist. A few gave me wry looks. I held my head high and tried to get this picture out of my head.
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