There Goes the Neighborhood

I leisurely walked into my living room this morning when I was confronted with the most appalling thing on the sidewalk outside, The-grumpy-lady-who-walks-the-yellow-lab is...Pregnant. Arrgh! There she was, tall, willowy, in a darling little maternity blouse covering her slightly swollen belly, (still scowling I should add) talking on the cell phone walking her perfectly pedigreed dog. In the past, I've tried to get her to smile, say hello, act like she is not a robot- to no avail. Then, I had a brainstorm, maybe she has been infertile this whole time and it's been so devastating she couldn't be pleasant. I had to test my theory, I took my dogs for a walk. I ran into her. I got nothin'. Nada. Not a smile. Not a glance. She was totally absorbed in her cell phone call with that perpetual scowl. For gosh sakes lady, you're pregnant, lighten up.

My walk this morning really made me see the difference between The-grumpy-lady-who-walks-the-yellow-lab (GLWWYL) and I. She's always on the cell phone while walking her well-behaved dog. I, on the other hand, use both hands to hold Fidget's leash and tap Schuster to remind him we are walking. (He is getting pretty senile and tends to forget things so about every 3 steps, he stops and looks around like, "Where the heck am I?") We are in such stark contrast, GLWWYL and I. She is tall, thin and drives a LandRover (in downtown Chicago where off-roading means taking the ALLEY.) I've said before, I'm 5'2", not thin and drive a hand me down Honda. And I smile, all the time. She always looks miserable. I felt sorry for her the first few years we were in the neighborhood. Then, her grumpiness just got annoying, so now I ignore her. Until today, that is. I watched her with the gross fascination of watching a train wreck. GLWWYL is pregnant. How did this happen? Surely, she eats lemons for breakfast while I've been on a no sugar, no caffeine, low carb, no wheat, low fat, Russian herb, Chinese tea diet for 3 years. What's a gal got to do to get pregnant these days? Eat lemons and ignore the neighbors? If so, I'm all over it. Pass the lemons please. Why, Why, Why?

Why
Not
Me?

*Note to the reader: I'm really not a GLWWYL hater. Just bummed out that someone else got pregnant before me. I know GLWWYL probably has a good reason to never smile. She may be dealing with terrible issues that don't allow her to relax. I get it. I'm really not judging her, just using my blog as a place to vent. If I don't do it here, one day I might just walk up to her and say "snap out of it" and that's not very neighborly at all. So, I vent, please forgive.